it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Randomize
