it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
