you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
