the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
