I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
