I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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