I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
