He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
