this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
