cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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