Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
