he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she smelled like a LAN party
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
