you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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