"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize