You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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