I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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