She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
