I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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