Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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