just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
