phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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