allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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