Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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