butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
