Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
