Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize