Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
