Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
