It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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