Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just had sex on a roof
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
