I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
