I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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