She's JV to your varsity
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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