you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
