so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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