wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
