dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
