Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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