literally had 100 drinks last night.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
