Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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