i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Terrible idea I love it
Dicks are not precious.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
