He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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