I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize