Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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