when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
