He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
