Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
