At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
