we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
