Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
