RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
