Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This house was built for laser tag.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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