if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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