ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
