using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
