awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bring me that man meat
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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