I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
