feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like a drive thru vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
