I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
