Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
