no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
