I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
