for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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