Already got asked if we're dating
I just pynch a tree in the face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
