You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
