She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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