I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
