"it" just moved
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
