Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
zippers are such a cool invention
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
