Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
