I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
