dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Pooping to opera.
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