and she was petting her beer can
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
