There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
