Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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