Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
