don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
