i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
