Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
