I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
