I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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