there's paper in my vomit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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