I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
